Bullying can lead to self-esteem problems, sometimes death

Fat. Whore. Ugly. Nerd. Stupid. Slut. Geek. Snob.

Which sounds most familiar to you?

Chances are, at one time or another, someone called you one of these names. Maybe it was something else — but similar. Or maybe you were the one calling other people names.

Bullying is seen as a rite of passage in adolescence, a commonplace occurrence in grade school. Harmless teasing is one thing. I remember being teased about being a perfectionist, about crying when I didn't get an A on a test or paper, even about not wearing the latest fashions.

But bullying has progressed into death threats, physical violence and bashing a person's self-esteem into the ground with words and actions filled with hatred and malevolence. Where along the line did kids become so mean?

Let me tell you about some people I know or knew at one point.

Eddie was a boy who grew up down the street from me. He walked to school every day, even in high school, because he and his family couldn't afford cars. His parents couldn't afford to send their children off to school in the latest styles from Abercrombie & Fitch or Nike. So Eddie would walk each day in his worn-down shoes and hand-me-down clothes. Some days, sure, it looked like he hadn't showered or washed himself.

But if you had talked to him, as I had, you'd have realized he was the nicest guy around. Every time we passed in the hall, Eddie would go out of his way to say hello. I always reciprocated, though we were never friends. I felt guilty about that, but not as much as others should have.

I was nice to him. But there were others — the "in crowd," the A&F modeling, water-and-Exlax lunch-eating jocks and preps who thrived on making other people's lives miserable — who never failed to kick someone when they were down.

Eddie was no exception.

Rumors would fly about which garbage can he pulled his clothes from, how long it had been since his last shower or dentist appointment, or why he got his school lunches for free.

One day he was getting a ride to a vocational school in the next town. The driver hit the railroad tracks, but didn't make it any farther. Neither did Eddie.

He died that day, with less friends in his life than he could count on one hand.

When a tragedy like this happens, you'd think people would wake up and at least try to change. But disgustingly enough, I heard later that some of the "in crowd" used his funeral as a documented reason to skip school for a day. I can't be certain because I didn't go. It's rude to partake in a mourning process of those who truly did love, care and really know him. Call me crazy, I guess.

Another kid I had heard of, but didn't personally know, was what teachers called a "problem" and the community called "angry." He wore a long, black coat just after the Columbine shooting, and people in the hallways would whisper that he was associated with the "trench coat mafia."

No one ever smiled at him. People looked the other way or sneered as he passed. They said mean things and never thought their behavior would come back to haunt them. One day he broke down.

That boy broke down and brought a knife to school. He told one of his only friends about it and his friend, in turn, told the principal. On the spot, he was expelled from school permanently. As far as I know, no one heard from him again — but I doubt anyone even wanted to. He was just another loser, right?

At least that's what people said until they found a new victim for their trash-talking malice.

I visit my old high school once in a great while now that I've graduated. Everything looks different from my adult eyes. I saw some kids pushing a smaller boy around. I heard the curse words and vulgarities they yelled and called him. I saw the spit flying from their disgusting mouths as they bullied this poor kid.

When I was their age, I was probably caught up in my newest crush or what I was going to wear to the football game later that night. I didn't even notice people making each other's lives hell. Admittedly, I was incredibly naive — I'm not anymore.

When I see this behavior now, it makes me sick. And even more so, it makes me wonder why no one has taken action against it. We know by now that when a child is picked on or teased excessively, things like Columbine and Jonesboro happen. I don't agree with the way these kids executed their torment and irritation in any way. But these things happen.

There are kids out there who feel alone, confused and extremely hurt. Many of them commit suicide, but the current development shows they're doing so after killing others.

So I wonder: When is someone going to step in and stop this trend? How many more children need to become angry, frustrated shooters? How many more children have to die before someone takes a stand?

Lauren Fox is the State News copy chief. She can be reached at foxlaure@msu.edu.

Published on Monday, October 9, 2006