Friends with benefits

Non-relationship relationships bring new set of problems to emotional equation

You’re in trouble. It’s been weeks — maybe months — since you got any action or had a hint of a relationship. You think hooking up with a close friend will be a no-strings-attached piece of cake, right? Wrong. According to an MSU study, having a friends with benefits relationship — something 60 percent of college students do at some point — may not be as easy as the participants think.

MSU communication professor Tim Levine and former graduate student Melissa Bisson found in their study of 125 MSU students that, as friends, students fail to discuss the relationship aspect and, thus, a friends with benefits relationship fails.

“In your standard college relationship, there’s not a lot of talking. This is even more common in friends with benefits,” Levine said.

“They’re talking to each other because they’re friends, but they’re not talking about the relationship.”

According to the study, the friends with benefits scenario combines the psychological intimacy of a friendship with the sexual intimacy of a romantic relationship while avoiding the ‘romantic’ label. The average length of time people knew each other before the benefits relationship was 14 months and the relationships lasted, on average, six months.

Less than 10 percent of friends with benefits relationships in the study developed into dating, while more than half of the relationships stopped either the sex or the relationship altogether.

“Friends with benefits were perceived as providing a relatively safe and convenient environment for recreational sex, and this was apparently why college students had a friend with benefits,” the study stated.

Since communication is such an issue, the relationships are often problematic for the same reason they’re attractive, the research showed.

“A majority of individuals stated an advantage of the friends with benefits relationship is ‘get to have sex with no strings attached,’ while the overriding disadvantage is ‘one usually wants to be more than just friends,’” Bisson said. “If the advantage is to have no strings attached, why is the common theme regarding the disadvantage stating people get attached? There is a struggle in these relationships and it becomes evident that this relationship is not ‘fool proof’ regarding attachment and commitment.”

Marketing junior Thomas Graziosi said he doesn’t give friends with benefits relationships a chance, for that particular reason.

“If you’re friends with benefits, someone’s going to get attached and there’s going to be problems,” he said. “There’s nothing wrong with it — I don’t look down on people who do it. It’s just not really my thing.”

Cassi Weisman, a hospitality business freshman, said a short time frame was a factor in her friends with benefits relationship.

“There was no reason to get serious,” she said. “It was better for our friendship because we never made it official.”

She said discussion wasn’t a problem and she’s still friends with her former fling.

“I could see how it becomes really awkward to talk about it,” she said. “But it’s not really awkward between us.”

While Bisson got the research idea from a “Seinfeld” episode, the concept may not be as well-known for all demographics.

“I don’t spend much time in my class talking about it, but when I do, students know all the stuff,” Levine said. “It’s the rest of the world that doesn’t.”

Bisson said there was no previous literature on the topic. When the study was being published, Levine had to convince an editor the concept was real.

“The way I convinced him was I Googled it and it leads to 100,000 hits,” Levine said. “This is definitely a cultural phenomenon that is widespread knowledge in some populations and not others. It seems like age determines the reaction.”

Published on Wednesday, October 17, 2007