Dueling columns: MSU/Michigan football reporters face-off
Spartans are cut above U-M football team
(Last updated: 10/23/08 11:02pm)There’s an old saying that you’re never supposed to kick a dog when it’s down.
Jacob Carpenter
Whoever coined that phrase never said anything about Wolverines.
There is plenty of ammunition with which to launch an insult assault against the Michigan Wolverines this season, but I’m going to take the high road (I-96, not U.S. 23) in this annual tradition of bashing each other’s team.
I will not say one bad word about Michigan fans or the football program in this space.
I know the fans in Ann Arbor are all-consumed by their beloved Wolverines, so I’m going to tell you a little bit about what’s going on in East Lansing with the MSU football team:
The Spartans have a winning record (6-2 overall, 3-1 Big Ten) after two-thirds of the season. It started with a close road loss at Pac-10 foe California, which was disheartening but somewhat expected given the game was a season opener on the West Coast.
MSU followed up the loss by BEATING A MID-AMERICAN CONFERENCE TEAM, shutting out a pesky Florida Atlantic squad in a downpour and CRUSHING NOTRE DAME to finish the nonconference schedule.
After three consecutive Big Ten victories — Indiana, Iowa and Northwestern — to start the conference season, the Spartans ran into the buzz saw of Terrelle Pryor, Chris “Beanie” Wells and the dominant Ohio State defense last week (you’ll get to know all of them soon enough).
MSU is led by a RELIABLE QUARTERBACK, Brian Hoyer, who has thrown only four interceptions while leading his team to BOWL ELIGIBILITY early in the season.
In the backfield, the Spartans boast a stockpile of RUNNING BACKS WHO HAVEN’T BEEN ARRESTED THIS YEAR, led by senior Doak Walker Award candidate Javon Ringer. The VETERAN OFFENSIVE LINE has helped pave the way for Ringer to rack up 1,179 rushing yards and 14 touchdowns in just eight games while giving Hoyer ample time to hit his relatively young group of wide receivers.
The constantly improving MSU defense has been up-and-down, with strong performances against Florida Atlantic, Notre Dame and Iowa and less-than-stellar outings against California, Indiana and Ohio State.
(It looks like the Wolverines are experiencing the same yo-yo effect on defense with a solid showing against Wisconsin but collapses at the hands of Illinois and Penn State).
On special teams, the Spartans boast Brett Swenson, an IMPRESSIVE KICKER WHO DOESN’T CHOKE and has connected on 15 straight kicks after missing his first of the season, and NORMALLY NAMED PUNTER Aaron Bates, who has routinely pinned opponents inside their own 5-yard line all season.
Roaming the sidelines is Mark Dantonio, A CLASSY COACH leading one of the best up-and-coming teams in the country.
Dantonio displayed his integrity at MSU even before he arrived in East Lansing; he DIDN’T SCREW OVER HIS FORMER EMPLOYER before coming to MSU, choosing to wait until the end of Cincinnati’s season prior to interviewing with MSU officials for the head coaching position.
According to players and recruits, Dantonio and his coaches have instilled a solid foundation of FAMILY VALUES while taking the team to a BOWL GAME IN THE STAFF’S FIRST SEASON.
In recruiting, Dantonio and his assistants have hit the Midwest hard, RESPECTING THE IN-STATE PROSPECTS that are the basis of slug-it-out Big Ten football.
The Spartans have snagged 16 recruits for a top-15 class of 2008 (which puts them in the same class as U-M this season).
The MSU football program appears to be HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, and a win in Ann Arbor on Saturday should continue its ascension to the top of the Big Ten.
Just like the Wolverines program, right?
Jacob Carpenter is a football reporter for The State News. Hate mail can be sent to carpe219@msu.edu, but there shouldn’t be any hate mail, since nothing bad was said about Michigan.
Originally Published: 10/23/08 10:40pm
jp
10/24/08 1:39amU of M people are such pompous butts. most don’t have any affliation with any Big 10 university though. U of M is lucky to have their wal-mart fans…..you can keep em in ANn arbor, we don’t want them here.
Jason B
10/24/08 8:52amIt’s unbelievable how many people I know that call UfoM “their school” or “their team” when talking about sports, but they never went there and have a degree from a different school. It’s like all the yankees and cowboys and patriots fans, they pick a team that’s doing good at the time and all of sudden it’s “their team.” Pathetic.
Make it Seven
10/24/08 10:13am“I was just laughing. I thought it was funny. They got excited. Sometimes you get your little brother excited when you’re playing basketball and you let him get the lead. Then you just come and take it back.”
âMike Hart on Nov. 3, 2007
As much as you try to escape it, Hart has you all figured out, Michigan State. You can run from the truth all you want, but everything you do screams “little brother.”
You’re little brother because the only comeback Mark Dantonio could think of was to call Hart short.
You’re little brother because Chad Henne doesn’t rhyme with douchebag.
You’re little brother because of Braylon Edwards.
You’re little brother because football, not basketball, is America’s favorite college sport.
You’re little brother because “your” biggest win last year was by a I-AA school.
You’re little brother because John L.
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StateAluminMi
10/24/08 10:53am“Make it seven” . . . your creativity overwhelms me. You must be as sharp as an antique butter knife.
breaking the streak
10/24/08 11:02amAnd yet you still have no degree from UofM. That is probably why you had SO much time to type up that “thesis” of yours. unemployed or think you have something to prove? Bigger brothers are always bigger douches anyway.
Townsend
10/24/08 11:27amYo Jacob,
the UM writer just trashed our University and called everybody who attends/attended there the “bottom of the Big 10, academically” and “… too dumb to care,” and your only comeback is to try and trash their football team that has beaten us 6 straight times?? … ah, not too bright; you tend to prove Dan Feldman’s point.
MEH
10/24/08 12:26pmPlease, all the U-M writer had to offer was recycled jokes that stopped being funny a long time ago. Jacob’s column is funny, clever and actually talks about what’s happening THIS year, as opposed to relying on old one-liners. He wins.
you're stupid
10/24/08 12:27pmThe entire point of the articles was to talk about FOOTBALL, all Feldman could do was to refer to old Msu/UM jokes to compensate for their LACK of a football team this year. Jacob did what he was supposed to do, dumbass
msu alum
10/24/08 1:31pmMake it Seven, Congratulations on mastering the art of copying and pasting. Your parents must be ridiculously proud of you.
Make it Seven's Parents
10/24/08 4:13pmWee r prood o’‘im! ‘Is copin’ skillz r betta tan urs!
Rob
10/24/08 4:30pmYes, Townsend, he did prove Feldman’s point. That point being that UM fans are afraid they are going to lose this weekend so they hide behind, not only the past, but their insults that have nothing to do with football.
in closing: michigan fan are arrogant pricks :D
Townsend
10/24/08 5:19pm“The entire point of the articles was to talk about FOOTBALL, all Feldman could do was to refer to old Msu/UM jokes to compensate for their LACK of a football team this year. Jacob did what he was supposed to do, dumbass”
You’re stupid, you’re a total moron. Where do you live, under a rock? If ANYONE ever thinks this rivalry is ONLY about football, you’re really to stupid to even converse with.
1wolverines
10/24/08 10:20pmYou’re little brother because you’re the lowest-rated school academically in the Big Ten.
You’re little brother because you’re too dumb to care.
You’re little brother because when your plans to copy the historic success of Michigan football went up in flames against Ohio State on Saturday, you (allegedly) tried to emulate the Wolverines’ (alleged) football player-on-hockey player violence.
You’re little brother because you probably don’t know what emulate means.
1wolverines
10/24/08 10:30pmIf I write in RANDOM CAPITAL BOLD because this TEXTBOX doesn’t have HTML functionality">LETTERS, maybe everyone will think I AM SMARTER. And a BETTER WRITER. And more gifted at JOURNALISM.
Or not.
Feldman’s column was funny. It was trash talk. It poked fun at MSU stereotypes. It pumped up Michigan fans. It was exactly what a dueling column ought to be.
Quit freaking out just because your columnist decided to write a serious, boring column.
On another note: You can major in packaging and supply chain management at State? So you can apply to secretary school and the FedEx Academy?
jp
10/25/08 12:20am1wolverine – our supply chain management program is #2 in the country….2nd only to MIT. A lot of years, we’re actually #1, it switches from year to year. Michigan State basically invented the whole concept of supply chain management, thanks to Don Bowersox, who is a genius in the field…..who went to MSU! and if supply chain was such a stupid major to get, why is U of M investing a lot of money right now to make it a valid undergrad degree at their precious university?? right now, supply chain is a graduate degree course at u of m!
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you're stupid
10/25/08 12:28amTownsend, Of course the rivalry is not just about football, but this saturday is!! For once, we’re actually having a much better year than michigan is this year, so why wouldn’t you want to focus on the football??
For calling me stupid, you used the wrong “to”, so you’re the dumbass, you incredible moron
Jack
10/25/08 2:18pmI like how the only comments U of M people made, was just copied and pasted from Feldman’s column. Way to go.
Townsend
10/25/08 3:35pm1wolverines, you might also try Nuclear Physics where MSU is also ranked #2 to MIT, and that’s only in US News…
Bleu Haus
10/25/08 6:48pm1wolverines, secretaries don’t design packaging and FedEx’s 2007 net income was over $2 bil. Packaging and SCM are both specialized and lucrative fields. I’m just sort of mystified by your comment.
Score update: 35-21