— Feeling Pretty Lost

Dear FPL,

Thanks for your note. I hear you. I would also guess there are many here who are putting themselves through this same process of questioning.

Let me carefully say that what you are feeling is normal. I do not want you to think that what you are feeling is in any way not important or unique to you just because it might be a normal process.

On the contrary, the sense of lost you are feeling is a profound, almost soul-wrenching basic fear that we all seem to have to endure at some point in our life. It triggers questions like, “What the hell am I going to do next with my life, and was it all worth it?”

I applaud you for taking the time to vent. This can be both healthy and healing. The venting becomes part of the process by which you start to sort out your thoughts and feelings and look at options. This will lead to you make a decision about your next move.

When I was 22 and about to graduate from Northern Michigan University with a degree in biology, I had a stretch of time when I was not sure what my next move was or what I was going to do with my life. I questioned the logic of what I had just done and the vision of where I was going. I had spent most of my time in college learning about myself, socializing and studying.

I was freaked out and felt I needed to decide quickly. On a lark, and because I had no money, I decided to apply for a job as a sales clerk at Mr. Minelli’s hardware store in downtown Marquette. I got the job and proceeded to work side-by side with a 65-year-old gentleman named Chet, who taught me a valuable lesson. He taught me, through our conversations, that the meaning of life is not about where you end up. The meaning of life is found in the process of living your life moving from this point now to the next and then eventually to where you might end up. He said the active journey gives meaning to life, not the static: “This is where I am and who I am now.”

So, you are wondering if it was all worth it. What I will say is that when you make your next move (and there will be one) I am going to bet that you will draw upon those moments you spent here as a student to help guide you, irrespective as to whether you have judged your time here as “worth it.”

It is inevitable that we will question the worth of what we have done here, or for that matter, with several portions of our life. It is a healthy and healing thing to do, when we do it with the sole purpose of using it to calculate our next move in life.

I wish you the wisdom to calculate your next move, the courage to make the decision and the strength to go through with it.

After all, it is what gives meaning to our life. Peace. By the way, thanks Chet!

— Dr. D.

Dennis Martell, Ph.D., is a coordinator of Olin Health Center education. E-mail him your questions at dennis.martell@ht.msu.edu.