Abbreviations killing English

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Are words weighing you down? Too many syllables got you sagging? OMG dude — you, like, totes have to try out abbreves. They’re sweeping the naysh!

For those unaware, to “abbreve” — an abbreviation of the word “abbreviation” — is all the rage these days. Why? IDK — probs because it’s totes fun to do. I started noticing it with my sis, but now the rest of my fam has caught on. But although all the abbreves were fun for a while, lately, it’s been giving me major struggs, you know?

The problem likely started about a decade ago, with the spread of Internet culture. People were IMing all over the place, and it seemed like every day there were a dozen new ways to shorten commonplace phrases. “Be right back” became “BRB,” “Got to go” was “G2G,” and “LOL” signified that you were laughing out loud. It was “ROFL” if you actually were “rolling on the floor laughing,” but I personally doubted the veracity of many ROFLing claims. Those stuffy parents of ours worried this would hurt us; they said we soon would lose the ability to string a coherent sentence together. We sure showed them.

Recently, however, simply abbreving in our writing and typing hasn’t been enough. Apparently we are just so rushed as a society that we have resorted to abbreving our own speech. This is not entirely a new phenomena; advertisements long ago became “ads,” and abdominal muscles commonly are referred to as “abs.” But when I hear people say “LOL” instead of actually laughing, I start to become concerned.

I don’t fall into the camp that thinks our generation is getting dumber. On the contrary, I just think we sound dumber. Half a century ago, even the most banal memoranda was well-written, putting our e-mails of today to shame. For instance, what might once have read, “Dearest Susan, I think of you with great affection. When shall we meet again? I do look forward to our continued correspondence” now likely would read “What up, Suze? Where you at? Hit me up girrrrl!” It’s the same basic idea, but we just look like idiots when we say it.

And what’s up with “like” and “you know,” you know? I fully admit to unnecessarily sprinkling them into my own sentences, but I can’t help but feel they, like, lessen the forcefulness of my rhetoric. I also happen to be very partial to parenthetical digressions (although they’re not really necessary). I think they add style. Others hate them.

But it’s NBD, right? After all, Shakespeare made up words all the time. How is our generation any different?

To carelessly split an infinitive is not the cardinal sin it once was. And we’re all about ending sentences in prepositions these days — so what are rules good for?

I think, in the back of our minds, it’s comforting there are some sticklers out there. Although those tweed jacket wearing English professors might be there for us now reminding us how to properly use a semicolon, they are not long for this world. The speakers of any language tend to make the rules, but now I feel like the rules are being dictated by prepubescent boys and girls with ADD and unlimited texting (or is it txting?) plans.

What happens when there is no authority in language? Are we heading toward (not towards) complete English language anarchy?

To be quite honest, the complete bastardizing of my mother tongue frightens me more than nuclear annihilation — nukes — and I’m wondering if nothing can be done to stop this. Just as monks in the dark ages were the lone preservers of civilization, we might need some gifted English majors to retreat into the mountains and hand-transcribe copies of “The Elements of Style” by candlelight. We just should make sure they disable their Twitter accounts first.

I’m not calling for a renewal of unnecessary formality, nor am I advocating we all start becoming grammar Nazis. And part of the beauty of the English language is that the rules always have been changeable. But when we’ve denigrated our language down to the bare minimum, how much lower can we go?

Abbreving is not my fave thing in the world, but I’m learning that it’s just a fact of life. Maybe our generation will grow out of this, and our own children will laugh at the way we used to speak, like we laugh at the embarrassing vocabulary of the beatniks (“Can you dig it, man?”).

Just as long as the silliness of our speaking doesn’t affect our own intelligence, I don’t see abbreving as a huge prob. For now, I’ll just say “whatevs” and go with it.

Dan Faas is the State News opinion writer. Reach him at faasdani@msu.edu.

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