Dear Starbucks Girl:

Standing in front of you, waiting for coffee, I heard you rather loudly talking to your friend about your Halloween plans. You said you were invited to some “awesome” parties during that weekend but hadn’t yet decided on your costume. One thing was for sure, though: you were definitely going to “slut it up,” to use your own words. The only dilemma in your mind seemed to be whether to get one slutty costume for the weekend, or two.

Starbucks Girl, you didn’t notice, but I turned around to look at you. You were pretty! Too pretty to parade your body around on a cold October night just for attention, and far too pretty to risk being taken advantage of by some drunken idiot at a party or bar.

I could opine to you that dressing like a slut is not in the “true spirit” of Halloween, although — let’s be honest — it kind of is. Halloween likely will never be a holiday wherein we treat ourselves and each other with the proper respect. Although many have said provocative Halloween dress is just a fact of life on college campuses, I refuse to idly stand by.

You should know this, Starbucks Girl: You are worth so much more than to flaunt your body around like an object. Not just on Halloween, but every night. And no matter what they said in “Mean Girls,” Halloween is not a holiday during which you can dress like a slut and get away with it — it’s pretty much always frowned upon by rational and sound-minded people.

I know you might think this is what your boyfriend wants to see. And he probably does! What red-blooded male doesn’t enjoy seeing young women parade around half-naked along Grand River Avenue? Halloween always has been a holiday during which we’ve attempted to satisfy our carnal pleasures. And now that most of us men have outgrown the fleeting joys of candy, we’ll settle for eye candy instead.

But it doesn’t have to be this way, Starbucks Girl! The only ones who can reverse this trend are you and your fellow ladies, one by one. Do you expect the majority of men to encourage you to dress modestly? No — you and your fellow women are the ones who can do the most to reclaim and affirm your dignity.

And don’t be fooled by those so-called “feminists,” Starbucks Girl. Dressing up in a racy costume is not just another way to display your “feminine pride,” or your “sexual freedom.” You’re just selling yourself out as an object, and in no way does dressing like that help to garner you any respect.

I feel for you, Starbucks Girl. I know it’s not easy for women like you to find costumes that consist of more than one square foot of fabric. As I briefly walked through a Halloween store, I was hard-pressed to find any female costume that wasn’t a “sexed-up” version of something innocent. So it might take some creativity from you and your peers to find a costume that shows off your brains rather than your breasts or booty.

For example, I heard you say you might want to dress up as a “sexy French maid.” Have you considered a “French maiden” instead? Joan of Arc, perhaps — she was a strong woman worthy of admiration.

Why not bring Susan B. Anthony back into vogue, complete with bonnet? Instead of a “sexy ghostbuster,” why not dress up as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

You’ve still got more than a week to finalize your Halloween costume, Starbucks Girl. I know I might sound prudish or silly, but I hope you’ll at least consider my pleas.

I know what I’m saying might sound audacious or out of place, and I don’t mean to tell you how to live your life. You can do whatever you want. But I want you to know even if you do choose to display your sexuality, that doesn’t make you a bad person. I understand there’s a lot of pressure, and one self-righteous newspaper columnist isn’t likely to persuade you otherwise. That’s OK. I just hope you have fun, are safe and don’t do anything you might regret.

Women of MSU — Oops! I meant to say Starbucks Girl — I realize that I might not have changed your mind. But I also hope that after Halloween you realize that you are beautiful the other 364 days of the year, and you don’t need to show off your body simply to get noticed. I hope you know that you, like every single woman on this campus, are worthy of respect and deserve to be treated like a lady. If nothing else, know that.

Sincerely,

Dan Faas

Dan Faas is the State News opinion writer. Reach him at faasdani@msu.edu.