Thursday, May 2, 2024

Prognosticators 10/30/09

Joey Nowak

MSU vs. Minnesota

8 p.m., Big Ten Network

JN: This will go down in history as the game that nobody saw. Not because of a blackout — not a TV blackout, at least — or programming issues, but because 8 p.m. on Halloween is just a recipe for a ratings disaster. “Where were you during the epic MSU-Minnesota game of 2009?” At Rick’s getting your freak on in a sexy little red riding hood costume? Already in line at Panchero’s dressed as Jon Gosselin? Or tapping the third keg of the night dressed as Mrs. Claus? All I know is a Tigger’s a wonderful thing, with tops made out of rubber and their bottoms are made out of spring. They’re bouncy, bouncy, bouncy …

MSU 38, Minnesota 16

MB: Will the night be frightful for the Spartans or the Golden Gophers? MSU is coming off a close loss to Iowa while Minnesota was blown out at Ohio State and its offense has shown zero signs of life the last few weeks. Will the Gophers’ offense rise from the dead or will MSU’s defense put a stake through the heart of Minnesota’s season? Expect the Spartans to be out for blood after last week’s game.

MSU 31, Minnesota 10

CV: With Minnesota’s Eric Decker out for the year, will the Spartans be tricked by Minnesota’s poor statistics? I don’t think so. The Spartans always bounce back after tough losses under Dantonio and, although this is a road game, Minnesota is reeling, giving the Spartans the perfect opportunity. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Spartans run a few trick plays and be treated with touchdowns.

MSU 28, Minnesota 7

Dracula: I don’t really follow the Big Ten much since they let in Pennsylvania State and bumped my beloved alma mater, Transylvania State. Nittany Lions, really? How is that a better mascot than the “Hell-Spawn Lords of the Darkness?” Joe Paterno couldn’t convince me of it when I was a senior in 1897, and he can’t convince me now. But I digress. Be wary, Spartans, of letting a loss like last week’s suck the life out of you. Trust me. That’s kind of my thing.

MSU 31, Minnesota 13

No. 4 Southern Cal vs. No. 12 Oregon

8 p.m., ABC/ESPN2

JN: If USC takes this game, they’re going to be poised to leapfrog a number of teams into the national title game. If not, they’re out of it. Oregon is on the outside looking in but is on a hot streak and no doubt had this game circled for months. P.S. I hope Bishop’s Halloween allusions stop soon because they’re making me as nauseous as a pack of ghost marshmallow Peeps.

Oregon 24, USC 20

MB: Autzen Stadium has been a house of horrors for opponents and this has the opportunity to be no different. If USC comes in expecting a haunted hayride and some candy apples afterward, it won’t be a good night. Oregon will be fired up for this one and will slap the Trojans around with a popcorn hand before finishing them off by dunking their heads while they’re bobbing for apples.

Oregon 24, USC 14

CV: After Oregon lost to Boise State in the opening weekend, it seemed Chip Kelly’s squad was bound for a troubling season. But the Ducks have bounced back and can take control of the Pac-10 and their BCS dreams. Oregon was bitten by the Sports Illustrated cover jinx early, but they will shut down USC’s frightened freshman quarterback.

Oregon 27, USC 17

Dracula: Hand it to Oregon for rolling since LeGarette Blount went all Thriller on that Boise State guy in Week 1. Wait a minute … that was a West Coast game … that finished around midnight … with a full moon … of course! Blount and the rest of the team actually are Were-Ducks, descendants of the werewolf and a failed third sequel to the Mighty Ducks franchise! And with another night game, expect them to, ahem, transform the game in the fourth quarter.

Oregon 28, USC 27

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