Schools can find better solutions
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Cristina Toscano
Remember the days when bullies lifted kids up by the front of their shirts against a locker demanding lunch money? How about the days when standing up to a bully was between the student and the bully, settling the score face-to-face during recess?
It seems those days have quickly passed and the new requirements for being a bully today seemed to have been turned up a few notches, becoming even more brutal than many of us care to remember.
Before, gossip was spread through slambooks. Today, gossip is spread through Facebooks. Because of this, many students who are victims of online bullying — and their parents — think it should be the school’s responsibility to take more action to discipline these online bullies. According to an article in The New York Times, many students all across the country are challenged with online bullies, and a lot of the time their parents try to seek justice by involving the school system.
As much as I want to agree that schools should protect their students from online-bullies and gossip, I honestly can’t. My reason is simply that it is not the school’s place. Schools aren’t the community referee when someone spreads a rumor. I feel it isn’t the responsibility of the school to tell a person who they should or shouldn’t be allowed to bring to prom.
School systems have enough on their plate as it is, and I don’t think it should be considered that each institution can create complete justice. Instead, the number one (and only priority) should be to educate. That is, unless the online bullying is taking place on school grounds, which is a different story.
I think the No. 1 focus of school should be to focus on preparing students intellectually. How can we make them the referee of all social difficulties that happen off of school property? That is the job of the parents. What is being said to a child, or what a child is saying, is something that should be monitored by the parents. This idea of involving school administrators seems like a complete abandonment of parental responsibility.
The attitude throughout the minds of most of parents seems to be that as far as their children are concerned, they can have all the rights and the teachers and administration can have all the responsibilities. They can take legal action against others if anything goes wrong yet make no attempt to guide children to make better, moral decisions. This doesn’t apply to all parents but the attitude is very common.
The very most that should really be done is teachers, school faculty and both families should be made aware of the situation, in a joint meeting with the kids. This would allow bullies to understand their behavior is being closely watched, the victims to know they have support and the parents to exercise appropriate supervision in the future.
Yet, there are the parents of the cyber-bullies who tend to brush it off as though it’s nothing to bat an eyelash over. When parents actually defend this behavior, how can we be surprised when the children possess a moral compass that is any different?
Obviously there is great harm that can come to children through cyber-bullying. Anything that goes online really lasts forever and this younger generation really doesn’t seem to comprehend the consequences of their actions. It hasn’t become any harder for these kids to have access to social media in order to attempt to destroy the lives and self-esteem of others.
You might think I’m referring to elementary, middle and high school students, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Cyber-bullies can be all ages and strike in different forms, from hateful comments on an opinion article, to a coworker who guilts someone into taking on more than he or she has time for.
The sad truth is, sometimes these people never grow up. But, for the most part, the victims do grow up and find it unnecessary to include anyone who doesn’t need to be involved because they’ve matured enough learn how to handle it themselves.
Kids and teens can be extremely merciless and their actions stem from behavior that was definitely learned, but bullying has been around since before the times of texting, instant messaging and Facebook. Life might have been simpler but it wasn’t any safer or kinder.
Cristina Toscano is a State News guest columnist. Reach her at toscanoc@msu.edu.
Commentary
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Nah
(07/16/10 9:00am)Report
Being bullied makes a kid tough. I was geeky as hell when I was a kid, and all of the bullying that I received helped make me a strong, motivated individual. It’s funny, one of the kids that treated me the worst is still around – I’m 28 now, he’s 29. I am healthy and have a pretty cool job. He is fat as hell and works at a Wendy’s. HAHA!
If a kid can’t take being picked on, then the parents are not doing their job properly. It’s not the school systems job to deal with this. The bullying doesn’t end at school. I was bullied anywhere in town that the bullies found me!
Chrissy to Nah
(07/16/10 1:12pm)Report
Nah, you can’t blame the kids parents if the kid that is being bullied can’t take it. Bulling can be very damaging. Glad to hear that you were able to handle it, but often times kids can’t. WHY do you think there were those HS Shootings? Some kids committ suicide because they were bullied. Try not to group everyone in the same category. We all react to things differently. We are also born with a certain nature and then you add how we have been raised to the mix of things. I myself stood UP to these 2 very nasty girls when I was in HS, they were total bi*ches. They picked on anyone who spoke in class,while giving their answers etc. These girls tried to intimidate the other students most of the time. I finally had enough and I stood up and told them that we were all sick of them and what they had to say! I told them to shut up and if they didn’t have something nice to say, then keep their rude comments to their selves. Hahaha, their faces turned bright red and the class clapped and thanked me, it was the most uplifting thing I had ever felt in HS. I had had enough of them and so did everyone else.
SIGP226
(07/16/10 2:25pm)Report
“Hahaha, their faces turned bright red and the class clapped and thanked me,…”
Wow. A real “Blackboard Jungle” …
I'm safe now
(07/16/10 2:44pm)Report
I’m working on forgiving my bullies and wishing them well, that they can fix themselves to be more just in their relationships and to bully no more. The forgiving is more for me than for them.
Adult bullying is so destructive and hard to treat.
Kids still need education and intervention about how to deal with bullying. And it’s parents’ and schools’ responsibility to provide that guidance and protection, whether it’s in real life or on the internet. This website www.wiredsafety.org has a lot of info and resources about internet bullying.
It was the greatest thing!
(07/16/10 2:46pm)Report
…Letting the bully girls have it! OH believe me they tried to come after me and fight after class, but lucky for me I had a friend who said if you fight her, then you fight me and I didn’t know it at the time but my friend was like a guy in a girls body. You know what I mean. Thank goodness she never hit on me, my boyfriend wouldn’t have gone for that, neither would I, haha!
Chrissy to I'm safe now
(07/16/10 2:49pm)Report
You are so bright. God bless you. Forgiveness frees us. Your post is right on!
Thanks Chrissy
(07/17/10 2:56pm)Report
And bless you!
Chrissy:)
(07/17/10 5:19pm)Report
YOU are welcome and thank you for blessing me, you made my day brighter, I like being blessed :)
Re: Chrissy
(07/18/10 12:42am)Report
Chrissy, guns and knives have been around for a very long time. In our parents/grandparents days and before, guns were a household item that even children would use. I don’t see any record of school shootings back then, yet I know for a fact that bullying existed.
I don’t think you can blame bullying for shootings. You can blame that behavior on our culture and morals of our children, which are ultimately influenced by the parents. The culture and morals did not create themselves.
Ultimately, it comes down to a large-scale failure of the parents, and this failure has gradually become the norm.
From Chrissy to Re: Chrissy
(07/18/10 1:16pm)Report
Re: Chrissy, you raise some good points. I myself am a parent and I do feel that parents should take on the reponsibility of how they raise their children. Communication with ones kids is vital. As a parent you can’t turn a blind eye to red flags or warning signs. If a parent suspects that their child is being bullied then it is the parent’s reponsibiltity to help their child learn how deal with this situation. IF the situation is extreme then outside authorities need to be involved. However, it is the parents job to look out for their children’s well being. My kids were taught that everyone is equal and you are never to place yourself above anyone else. Each person is unique within themselves. They were taught to look for the good in others and be supportive, yet at the same time stay away from those that want to hurt others, those that only think about themselves and so on. Funny, my daughter stood up for the underdog all the time growing up & she was well liked and very pretty, yet she always included that new person on the block. My son is an athlete and very strong and he is still in school…he has had some altercations because he has told some kids to shut up and leave the students alone that were being picked on. My son knows his strength and he isn’t afraid. He is in High School and these guys kept picking on a few students in between classes. My son warned them to stop it. When it continued, my son met with one of the bullies who challenged him to a fight after school. My son got his thumb broken in the process and the other kid got his share of pain too. BUT after the fight, the bully actually took a real liking to my son. These kids quit bulling the other kids and my son actually started hanging out with them once in a while, they became friends, haha.
My kids have been instilled with the right morals, to treat others the way you want to be treated. To help someone if they need you. To never turn a blind eye to someone who really needs your help.
On another note…I feel for those kids that were bullied out of their mind! No one stopped the situation from going on and on. Add violent video games as their release and no one to talk to, maybe some demonic music and you set the stage for a deadly situation. THEY act out their pain by ridding themselves of the bully and killing themselves in the process too. BUT the ones that my heart really hurts for, is the innocent victims that are killed just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. WE all need to reach out to someone when they have no one standing UP for them at least that is what my children were taught.
Lexi
(07/21/10 3:25pm)Report
Remember “I’m rubber and you’re glue. What you say bounces off me and sticks to you.” Who cares what a bunch of jerkwads say on line. They don’t know you. Your self esteem shouldn’t depend on them. Communicate with your kids so they can be independent people.