Speaker recounts experience of gender transition

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When she was 4 years old, Deirdre McCloskey — then Donald — prayed for two things each night: that she would no longer stutter when she woke up the next morning and that she would be a girl.

“If it was easy enough to snap my fingers and become a woman, I would’ve,“ she said.

McCloskey, distinguished professor of economics, history, English and communication at the University of Illinois, visited campus Thursday to share both her knowledge of economics with James Madison students and the story of her gender crossing with the public during a question and answer session in the afternoon in the International Center.

In front of an audience of about a dozen, McCloskey recounted her story.

In 1995, at the age of 53, McCloskey said she decided she knew what she wanted.

“I had an epiphany,” she said. “What I wanted was not to be a heterosexual cross-gendered person, but I wanted to be a woman. From that day forward, I had not a moment of doubt.”

In San Francisco and Australia, McCloskey underwent nine surgical procedures to physically transition to become a woman. She was worried about losing her position as a professor, but found understanding and acceptance among her colleagues and most students, she said.

Ross Emmett, a professor of political economy in MSU’s James Madison College, said he has followed McCloskey’s work for years.

“She’s a very engaging speaker, she’s provocative and she doesn’t stand down from a challenge,” he said.

Students in Emmett’s economic classes have been reading some of McCloskey’s work, and the professor said he wanted his students to meet the woman behind the books.

“I’m hoping that they will see the connections between economic life and other aspects of life and that they will understand what innovation can do,” he said.

Before her transition, McCloskey said she was happily married for 30 years, had two children and now has several grandchildren.

“I was not a sad sack before (the transition),” she said. “It’s amazing how you can adjust and stop thinking about it.”

After her transition, McCloskey said her sister tried multiple times to have McCloskey taken to a psychiatric ward, but said she knew her sister did it out of love. Her other family could not accept the change, and McCloskey has not spoken with her former wife or children in 17 years and has never laid eyes on her grandchildren.

Graduate student Allison Laffey said she heard about the speaker through MSU’s Law Triangle Bar Association and attended McCloskey’s lecture to learn how the professor handled the gender transition experience.

“I think about that a lot and how that’s going to affect my professional life,” Laffey said. “It’s a great event that MSU brought to campus.”

Despite her hardships, McCloskey said she is incredibly happy with her decision.

“I’m happy, fulfilled, I have lots of friends, and I enjoy my life,” she said.

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