The List — Wishing Upon A Dancing Star

By Jacob Carpenter

Created:
09/23/08 8:09pm

Last updated:
09/23/08 8:32pm

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Don’t tell anybody, but I find ABC’s “Dancing With The Stars” moderately entertaining.

I don’t plan my week around watching C-listers prove their ballroom chops, but if I happen to be flipping through the channels and see it’s on and there’s nobody in the room, I’ll stop and take it in.

Athletes always seem to be on the show, which kicked off its 7th season in one-and-a-half years this week (seriously ABC, can’t you find anything new?). This season’s athlete lineup includes sprinter Maurice Greene, former NFL tackle Warren Sapp, and beach volleyball superstar Misty-May Treanor — each of whom is trying to become the fifth athlete in a row to win the “Dancing” championship. (For the record, figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi, car driver Helio Castroneves, speed skater Apolo Anton Ohno and all-time leading rusher Emmitt Smith have won the whole shebang.

As much as I’m looking forward to seeing if Warren Sapp’s feet can move as fast as his mouth, there are five athletes I would rather see on the dance floor:

1. Tom Brady — I’d love to know if the golden boy really can do anything. I’d be afraid, though, that he’d try and “play action” his dancing partner, ala the “Hannah Montana” kid this season. If he’s not available, Heisman winner Tim Tebow brings the same drama.

2. Oliver Miller — The “Big O” would definitely be a big “oh no” on the dance floor, which of course means endless fun for me. The former NBA very big-man could at least ask Sapp and Master P for advice, I guess.

3. Reggie Miller — The one thing I don’t like about the show is the lack of trash talk. So bring in Miller, the hyper-competitive king of smack, throw Spike Lee in the front row, move the show to New York and watch the sparks fly.

4. Shawn Bradley — The physics alone should add a couple points to the Neilsen ratings. The 7-foot-7 former NBA center never had great footwork on the hardwood, though, so he’d probably be the first to go.

5. Pete Rose — All bets are off if Charlie Hustle can execute a perfect cha-cha. Let that visual sit in your head for a minute.

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Sports reporter Jacob Carpenter examines sports issues from the past and present.

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