The State of Cinema

If you haven’t heard, the new theatrical trailer for “Toy Story 3” has made its way online, and I can officially say that I’m weirded out by a new toy adventure.

I’m not bashing the arrival of a new “Toy Story” film, but I remember watching the first one in elementary school as part of a “holiday present” from the faculty to the students. I put quotes around “holiday present” because it wasn’t much of a gift; we would sit on the shoe-stained, hard-as-nails floor of our gymnasium, cross-legged, peering into a fuzzy projection screen — it was the mid-1990s; think about the quality — with Randy Newman’s “You’ve Got A Friend In Me” blaring out of the projector’s mono speakers. Spencer Elementary gave us this “gift” two years in a row, as if we wouldn’t remember the raw feeling on our asses. I know they were trying, and I wouldn’t change it one bit.

I love “Toy Story.” I like “Toy Story 2.” It’s just that Woody and Buzz seem so far under my bed that I can’t reach them. It’s part of growing up I guess. Maybe that’s why I’ve been enjoying original Pixar films like “Wall-E” and “Ratatouille” so much; they’re exciting, refreshing and relevant but still warm up a bath of nostalgia for me. Seeing Rex the Green Dinosaur and Mr. Potato Head on the screen in a new adventure will just remind me of the uncomfortable gymnasium floor. A post-pubescent Andy doesn’t help either. It shows how much times have changed.

I’ll still see “Toy Story 3,” and who knows, maybe I’ll love it as much as I loved “Up,” but why couldn’t they have made this film when I was still living at home, in my room? “Toy Story 3” comes out in Disney Digital 3-D — which will distance me from the old toys even further — on June 18, 2010. “Toy Story” and “Toy Story 2” currently are showing in theaters nationwide as a 3-D double feature. Let me know what you think.

Imagine you’re attending D23 Expo, Disney’s fan convention where news and previews flood in by the minute. Imagine your initial delight, seeing Johnny Depp strut out onto the stage, fully clad in his Capt. Jack Sparrow attire. And now, the announcement, straight from Capt. Jack’s lips: “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides,” the fourth installment of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise, will be released in 2011. The crowd goes wild.

I don’t understand why everyone wants a fourth “Pirates” movie. First off, we all know the second and third films were sorry excuses for Disney to bank off of a solid first entry. Secondly, a fourth installment will probably mean the beginning of a new “Pirates” story line. After all, does anyone really care about Will Turner or Commodore Norrington? I certainly don’t, and I think Disney knows this.

And now we get to the title: “On Stranger Tides” — not the most intriguing thing I’ve ever heard. Coincidentally, there’s a novel with the same name by Tim Powers. The novel, which features the infamous Blackbeard as a villain, features the “Fountain of Youth” as a major part of the plot. Barbossa and Jack Sparrow mention a search for the “Fountain of Youth” at the end of the third “Pirates” installment, “At World’s End,” so it appears the fourth “Pirates” will borrow from Powers’ novel. Is Disney that desperate? When there isn’t an intriguing story to tell and you have to borrow from preexisting material to continue a franchise, it’s a good sign not to continue the franchise.

Having recently purchased Marvel Comics for about $4 billion dollars, maybe Disney will have Barbossa and Sparrow face off against Dr. Doom and Magneto for the fifth film. It’s time to create something original.